204 – Catalina Caper

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The film starts with the Warner Brother’s logo and once again opens with an animated opening. Similar to Moon Zero Two. The credits are a scuba fiver hitting on a mermaid and being harassed by a hungry piranha.

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It ends and leads into a party on the beach! With lots of fire! Also dancing bikini women. I can get behind this movie. Then a Danny Devito look alike sneaks into a house and tries to rob it. A cop goes by and misses him despite being in plain sight and making lots of noise. The cop blows a whistle and it cuts to a ship whistle. Amusing edit. Two people go on a boat called S.S. Catalina and they apparently know one of the ship workers. Also the thief goes on the boat and apparently he stole a scroll worth half a million dollars. Then the comedic relief shows up and trips on nothing. The two guys engage in conversation and it’s very difficult to hear what they’re saying. The lack of a mic and the sound of the ocean is going over them.

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Our heroes

One of the guys meets a girl and they talk about the ocean. Tom Servo is immediately smitten by her. Then his friend takes her away with women. Then they put on some music and start singing Little Richard. Holy crap that actually IS Little Richard. Well that scene was a thing that happened. They get off the boat and ocean girl has a boyfriend, which makes our male lead unhappy (Named Don)! Thief talks to a guy and his family who visited Catalina to pass off the scroll, but they want to give a fake so they can sell the real one for more. Also comedy guy is spying on them. I guess he’s a cop. Then he falls again. How funny. Then Don’s friend (Named Charlie) shows Don around Catalina with his sister Tina. From how the glass is positioned and lit it kind of looked like it was censoring her chest. They meet the man (Arthur), his wife (Anne), and a very old son (Tad). Then Charlie’s gal pals show up and Tad is suspicious of his dad’s behavior. Funny guy washes up on shore and I fully expect a “funny” moment. Aaaaaaand nothing. Don, Charlie, and Tina go scuba diving. Then it cuts to two guys talking about the scroll land how they know Arthur will betray them. Don and Tina talk about scuba diving and make sex jokes. You can cut the sexual chemistry between them with a spork. The thief and Arthur talk for a bit about the business of crime and the trade off. Oh great, “funny” guy. Guess what? No humor! Then a scuba diver swims onto Arthur’s ship and demands the scroll. They get the scroll for him, but in a struggle they drop it in the water. They get out of the water then Don hops into the water and Charlie jumps in after him. The man sent to get the scroll, for no reason, attacks Don. He disconnects his air supply and Charlie saves him. They get back to the boat and….that scene was pointless. They get back to Arthur’s ship and one of the sea cops talks to them. Arthur lies his ass off and how the hell do people not see that he’s lying. Charlie, Tina, Don, and the gal pals arrive at a yacht party. They party and show close ups of women dancing. Then they play some beach volleyball. This movie whishes it could be as awesome and gay as Top Gun. Don then hangs out with Tad. Then Creepy Girl shows up, much to Tom and the rest of the men’s delight. Tina however is unhappy. I don’t blame her…wait. Almost twenty men run after her at the mere sight…she might be a succubus. Wait no she droned on and on about water. She’s a siren.

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Tina takes Tad with her to try and make Don jealous. Cut to more beach volleyball. Creepy girl and Don meet up in the water and I think her top fell off. Yes it did. They make small talk. They go looking for creepy girls boyfriend and it cuts to the evil diver getting two other divers to help him look for the scroll later. They ask what they’re looking for, but he says it’s none of their business. Then how will they know if they’ve found it? Also “funny” guy is spying on them. Creepy girl’s boyfriend Angelo is one of the evil divers and flips out when she went out to look for him. Ass. They get into an argument and fade to black. Then…Charlie is inspecting all his girls and they go in a kissing line. How does he do it? Must be the bleach blonde. Tina shows up and is giving Don the silent treatment and becomes super bitter when Creepy girl shows up. She flips out and leaves. Through Tad they find out that Angelo is working for evil diver. Then Tina fakes drowning in four-feet water and “Funny” guy slips on sand. Hilarious. The “funny” guy saves her and it’s funny because he’s the “funny” guy. Then she slaps Tad and Don for not getting there soon enough. I could say a lot of words….but I won’t. Then all the girls just start slapping all the dudes. One girl claims “They all would have gone in if SHE (Creepy girl) was drowning!” Um….Tad and Don went in, but “funny guy” just got there first. I could use a lot of words, but I am a gentleman. Then the guys walk off. This scene is completely superfluous. Also “funny” guy just swung his fishing line out and pulled a girl’s top off. Ha. Ha. Ha. I really hope you all realize I’m being sarcastic. Then the band plays more music to mend the hearts and party. Superfluous scene. Then “funny” guy gets more shtick. Arthur and the thief show up on the beach and they talk to the gang. He convinces them to come aboard his yacht for a scuba diving party, when in actuality he is having them search for the lost scroll. And “funny guy” trips over his umbrella. Ugh…I’m done being sarcastic. They all go down to search for the scroll and the evil divers show up. Cut to “funny” guy on a boat and WHAT!? Two guys playing trumpets and one guy playing guitar UNDERWATER! I’m as confused as him! Back to the plot apparently! So the evil divers get on Arthur’s boat and draw guns on everybody.

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They surrender!

Someone comes up with the scroll and the evil divers take it and ru- I mean swim off. They try to worm the info out off Arthur, but they don’t say anything. At the same time Tad and Don were right next to them. Also the scroll they found was a fake one. They organize a scheme with Charlie to get the scroll back and make Tad’s parents swear off thievery. Tina apologizes to Don to for fake drowning and slapping him. Don distracts them and the evil divers follow him as Creepy girl shows up and they take the scroll from Don. The evil diver urns off and they start a tussle with Angelo. You know what’ll kill the mood for this somewhat tense scene? “Funny” guy falling again! This movie over uses jokes as much as Family Guy. They knock Angelo out and they chase after evil diver. Boring chase ensues. Evil diver is cornered and “funny” guy skates into evil diver and they fall into water! Not even a smirk. Just a frustrated groan. Ugh…nine more minutes. “Funny” guy is a cop and arrests Arthur for stealing the scroll, but the case is empty! So funny. More partying and credits. Invention exchange is the Literal Tank Top for the Mad and Joel turns a bazooka into a tickling device. Odd, but funny, especially the Literal Tank Top. Next skit is Joel explaining the 60’s to Tom & Crow. The problem is that he was a young boy during the 60’s so it comprises of the Brat Pack & the President. Kind of funny. Next skit is Tom singing about his love for Creepy Girl. Pretty funny. Next skit is Frank trying to entertain and sell stuff to the Mole People, Frank and Sylvia. Unfunny. Last skit. Joel and the bots talk about the movie and how it made no sense so Joel busts out a flow chart. I usually don’t bring up letters, but this one is sweet and written in calligraphy. A couple fell in lover over MST3K and announced their marriage on the show. Adorable. The movie can be summed up in one word. Superfluous. Most of the scenes could be cut, “funny” guy was worthless to the plot, and all the party footage was just padding. The episode itself wasn’t all that great and was boring the whole time with the occasional funny riff. This is an episode where the sketches were really funny, but the episode fell flat. I really, really don’t recommend it.

Episode Rating – 2/10

Movie Rating – 2/10

Favorite Riff – “Look she lost the bone in her neck. Look at her go!”

Possible Stinger – The musicians playing underwater and “funny” guy looking confused.

Episode – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhLblf-3O2A

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEhCyv3RFGo

203 – Jungle Goddess: Short: Phantom Creeps Part 1.

the phantom creeps

In the short we have Bela Lugosi play a mad scientist. And he has a beard. It looks kind of good on him. Bela does some science and some guy complains about something he has that wander around and goes crazy. That thing is a cool robot. The robot foolishly walks into a wall, but Bela has it fix the wall and go back to sleep.

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Bela leaves to go with some lady. The lady is Bela’s wife. She’s doesn’t know about his robot or plan that we don’t even know about. This kind of seems like the second part. Bela has developed a way to put people in suspended animation. He plants a disk in something and a little robot spider goes to the disk and when it arrives the spider explodes and puts them in suspended animation. It’s pretty funny.

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He also found a new element. Impressive. He says he’ll give the element to the government for a sum of money. His former partner says he shall give the element and Bela says screw him, but he walks away to his lab. Bela developed an invisibility belt and it looks like he was having a lot of pain. He says his assistant had failed so starts to improve it. It worked now after a dissolve cut and Bela gloats about his greatness. Bela has his robot uncover a secret passage and they transport the element and some other supplies to his secret lab. Man Bela has a ton of secret passages! He has a secret compartment in a secret cabinet, in a secret room. The wife gets a chipper, young white Captain and they tell all the stuff they now about Bela. They look through his old lab and they find that all the equipment is gone and a cigar is there. Bela and his assistant sneak through his secret exit and they drive away. They pick up a hitchhiker and they drive off. Apparently thinking he’ll be useful. The hitchhiker looked like him so they accidently crash their car off a cliff and it explodes. Bela and his assistant survive, but the look alike dies. Bela turns invisible runs to the home puts a disk in his wife’s handbag and they go to se the body. Some girl spies on them, sneaks aboard a plane, and Bela plans to put his wife to sleep with a spider. They take off in the plane and the spider explodes on the pilot because they took it out and put it on the dashboard. The controls are damaged and the girl that snuck on is now in a parachute suit and jumps out. The wife and captain are not shown to leave and the plane explodes ending the short.

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The movie starts with a kind of funky soundtrack. I get a kick out of music like this for some reason. Almost tribal like music with a constant drum. Kind of like the music in The Manitou. We officially start in a club where a pilot is smoking. He hits on the singer, but he fails. Maybe? The pilot’s buddy meets him at the club and reminds him of their jobs. The first pilot tells his buddy their looking for a crashed plane in Africa for a $20,000 dollar reward. They look through some binoculars and find some stock footage. They find a crashed plane so they land in the jungle. They trek through some stock footage and fake jungle sets until they find some natives. One of the guys just flat out shoots one of the natives! He shall be henceforth known as crazy guy. So crazy guy and pilot get captured and brought to their village. And guess what? They are brought to the village with the woman they’re looking for!

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The titular Jungle Goddess is quite striking

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El coincidence! So crazy guy is also a bigot foe seeing no problem with killing one of the natives. One of the natives is super into this. Pilot is considered innocent and crazy guy is guilty and will be executed eight days from then. Crazy and pilot argue a bit and Pilot is taken to speak with the white goddess. So Pilot talks to the Goddess and she talks about how her father sent them to find her after he died. It was in his will. They go through a flashback where the girl is finished in college in America and takes a plane to the Netherlands to go home. Her plane flew over Africa and her plane crashes. She was the only survivor and she started wandering until the natives took her in and they worshipped her as a goddess for her white skin and medical knowledge. The Witch Doctor apparently doesn’t like her. So she wants Crazy Guy and the Pilot to escape. She doesn’t like Crazy Guy, but who would? They look outside to see some stock footage. Crazy guy and Pilot argue over stuff and the white goddess wants to eat with the Pilot to scheme with him. They eat Zebra and they call Crazy guy white devil and claims he breaths fire because of his cigarette. There’s his new nickname! They continue scheming and they decide to leave the next morning. Pilot finds a piece of rock for atom bombs and he brings it back to White Devil. White Devil tries to convince a native who’s close to White Goddess to help him. She doesn’t say anything to him, but she tells it all to White Goddess. Pilot gets pissed and leaves to talk to him. He takes the gun from White Devil, but they get into a fight and in the scuffle White Devil kills another guy. This forces White Devil, White Goddess, and Pilot to flee to the jungle and try to leave. They trip and she sprained her ankle. She gets along fine though. More stock footage ‘chases’ them and they rest for the night. White Goddess and Pilot talk about hats. Riveting.

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Cut back from commercial then White Devil and Pilot are fighting. White Devil gets his gun and runs off. He starts shooting a lion and the natives close in. More wandering later and White Devil shoots a coconut. He shoots some more and trips on nothing. Wait did we just see this shot? Yes we just looped a set of scenes. White Goddess and Pilot find the plane, but White Devil attacks them, the witch doctor kills White Devil, and Pilot kills witch doctor. Then they get on the plane and fly off. The first skit is Joel and the bots hiding seek with the forces that control the universe. Odd… Well the invention exchange! Also I just realized that the Mole People have respirators. The behind the scenes reason is that the costumes were very uncomfortable and they had trouble working inside them. So they have the respirators to cover the mouths. Joel’s is a arm saw built into a toy car so you can drive it across the board, while cutting. Then Joel cuts a whole in the floor and falls through. Kind of funny. Dr. F’s is a saxophone and cut his head off and put in on a saxophone to make music. Not as funny. Next skit is…I don’t know. I don’t know. It’s a joke about the spider and disk explosions, but I just don’t get it… Next skit is joking about the binoculars showing stock footage that shows. So they put different overlays over Cambot to imitate different scenes through those views. My personal favorite is sniper scope. Goes for to long after a while. Lost its comedy after while. Okay Nope Scope was pretty funny. Nest skit is a ship coming to up next to them and my god this joke is getting so old so fast!!! This time it’s Pilot and White Devil being white imperialists. Not funny! Last skit is a funny sitcom parody called “My White Goddess”. Tom is White Devil, Crow is Pilot, and Joel is White Goddess. Pretty funny. All the jokes about White Devil killing everything in sight are pretty funny. The rest of the episode had some funny bits and the skits were hit or miss. The movie was okay. Typical 50’s movie. People would have found it exciting them, but not it’s just kind of dull. Check it out.

Episode Rating – 5/10

Movie Rating – 3/10

Favorite Riff – ‘Why are you called white devil?’ “Because I kill indiscriminately!”

Possible Stinger – The close up of the robot and the robot saluting Bela Lugosi.

Episode – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3SKwDHX1i4

Trailer – None

202 – The Sidehackers

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The movie starts with a tiny frame that gradually gets bigger. It starts with some people side hacking. What’s side hacking you might ask? Well it’s motorcycle racing with someone in a sidecar doing stunts. Not the most entertaining thing around. This goes on for the entire credits. The credits end and he race is won by our main character played by Ross Hagen. He embraces his girlfriend and they go for a romantic walk and play around while making romantic talk. Then they roll down a hill is slow motion. Just as boring as it might sound. They have more romantic babble and she gives him a lock. Saying that as long as he has it, they will get married. So an engagement lock? Ross goes to talk about it with his buddy at work in the next scene. They talk about some romantic stuff they joke around with each other. Then they get in a joke fight and five guys show up. They visit to get their bikes fixed. The main guy’s (JC) girlfriend talks to Ross Hagen and she tries to hit on him, but he’s just to devoted to his girlfriend. JC asks about side hacking and he flips out at his black buddy Nero for getting the fixing done a few days before. Jackass. Even more so than we’ll soon see. His pal gets into an argument about JC’s girlfriend and that fact that she was ‘throwing herself around’. Cut to more side hacking. I’m honestly surprised this movie isn’t part of the trilogy of dread.

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Thrilling ain’t it? 

Three movies that have long and boring scenes that goes on for WAY to long. This shows the race in its entirety and it goes on for almost five minutes. During this Cambot puts in one of his very rare riffs by putting up an ESPN like racing scorecard. Kind of funny. Ross wins the race and JC gives him a job opening in his entertainment group. JC tries it out and he flips out when he falls off. Also this is the third scene of side hacking. It thankfully ends when they crash the motorcycle through the wood fence.

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Ah so JC is a Warrior of Sunlight. PRAISE THE SUN!

They go to Ross’ cabin in the woods, drink, and have fun. JC seems like a swell guy, but oh boy does he change. Ross disagrees with the idea of joining and JC gets pissed. When one of the guys asks him something he flips him over. Then Nero tries to calm him down, but he calls him a racial slang that isn’t acceptable in common tongue. Everyone is just kind of un-phased by this. Then him and Ross hug it out. Ross declines again and JC is shockingly calm. I’m pretty sure after they leave he just starts beating his girlfriend. Nero is still in the background of the house. I think he just doesn’t like JC so he decides to stay with Ross and his fiancé. JC and his girlfriend argue a bunch and JC pulls the good in bed excuse and he starts beating her. Joel and the bots do not approve. Then he goes on to say that if anyone touches her he’ll kill them. Good lord he’s unlikable and insane. JC’s girlfriend meets up with Ross and she attempts to seduce him. Dressed in her finest hooker boots. She hits on him, but he doesn’t get it. She hits on him again, but he declines her. She throws a hissy fit and storms off. They find Nero and then they cut to the girlfriend sobbing in depression about being turned down. Then she has a flashback to a few minutes ago. Specifically Ross turning her down and JC saying that he’ll kill anyone who touches her. Then she tears up her clothes. This can only end poorly. Cut to Ross and his girlfriend making love and they have romantic talk. Cut to JC and his buddies walking in to find the torn clothed and crying girlfriend. One of the guys tells them Ross is at the cabin with his girlfriend. Only ending poorly! The girlfriend and Ross talk about their future in the cabin and to fix it up. ONLY ENDS POORLY! JC arrives and…well.


The next shot is Ross waking up in the morning and all beat up. He walks out to see his car was destroyed and he starts stumbling back to the rest of the world. Okay time to explain. This movie had a rape scene. JC his other buddies show up, beat Ross unconscious, rape his girlfriend, and kill her. The crew making the show didn’t know this so when they got to it, they just edited out the scene. This also starts up the mood of the rest of the film. Dark and just depressing. He runs all the way back to his work buddy’s house then runs out and starts crying. Ross recovers and they show depressing music over the area while Ross wanders sadly. Crow just flat out admits that the girlfriend is dead because they couldn’t show it and she’s never brought up again. The romantic montage ends after a while and it cuts to JC complaining about being forced to stay in the hotel for almost ten days. Ross talks about killing JC himself so he sells all his worldly positions and then he decides to form a gang to kill JC and his buds. I’ll give this movie something. I do want to play pool. SO I guess Nero defected from JC’s group before the rape so he decides to team up with Ross to help him. Nero found some guys who would be okay with killing a bunch of strangers, but they just want some cash. OUR HEROES EVERYBODY! After getting all the money he could get they meet Big Jake. A massive body builder who wants $200 bucks to kill the guys…cause….Money talks I guess. To convince Jake of his devotion to his cause Ross punches Jake in the stomach (Not even phasing him) so Jake punches Ross and immediately joins touched by his toughness. He recruits a painter for some reason and after a bit of convincing I think he joins. One of the guys tells all this to JC. JC flips out to his buddies and has a funny dialog solely because of his poor performance. JC has his buddy Gooch spy on Ross and he flips out to his girlfriend about him killing Ross’ girlfriend. Gooch has to work as an infiltrator for JC in Ross’ group and to tell him where JC is hiding out so they can ambush Ross. To seal their agreement he just punches Gooch in the face. Good boss. Gooch is also the other guy who didn’t participate in the rape. It’s apparently nighttime, but it’s shot in broad daylight. Gooch tells Ross not to attack now and wait until morning because JC likes to drink so he’ll most likely be hungover in the morning. Good plan. One of Ross’ memebers tells a crappy joke about inmates and jokes. The joke is that in a prison everyone makes the same joke all the time so instead of saying the whole thing they just shout “NUMBER 8!” or some other number. An old convict tells it and everyone laughs. Later on a new guy tries it and no one laughs. He complains to his cellmate and he says, “Look kid. Some people just know how to tell a joke.” Not funny right? Well the guy telling this joke is just cackling up like a madman. It’s annoying and not even funny to begin with and made even less funny by him. Ross’ work buddy leaves his wife and kids to go die.

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They’re also waiting in a rock quarry while they shout loudly. Oh god the annoying guy is named Crapout. He is so annoying! Gooch wakes up and leaves to inform to JC. Ross watches him elave and does…nothing. Gooch talks to JC and gets more info before for the plan before leaving. JC talks to his girlfriend and they ‘re about to make love. The girlfriend talks about how she wants to leave so in a jealous rage he strangles her. JC tries to be sympathetic then, but god damn is he unlikable. Gooch comes back and pretends to be asleep despite them seeing that he’s left. Gooch could have easily had a cover for this. They beat the info out of him and I guess they ruff him up to near death. Gooch tells them all they need to know and they have him show them where JC is. Ross tells his pal to get the cops so he leaves. Good. He is one of the characters I want to live till the end. They ambush JC’s hide out and well…everyone dies. Big Jake is shot after strangling a guy (Also a terrible effect. He’s clearly shot in the back, but the ‘blood’ (ketchup) is on his face and when he falls over no wound is on his body), Gooch is shot by JC despite him being the informant, several people are shot by Crapout and Nero, and the artist is killed at sometime, but I didn’t notice. Also Crapout and Nero just flee after they kill everyone. Of all the people that could have lived they do? I can understand Nero, but why the annoying comic relief that was just introduced. JC shouts like a madman at Ross and they fight it out. Just as the cops arrive Ross decides to spare JC, but Ross is shot in the back and dies. Then a romantic montage of Ross and his girlfriend rolling around play as he dies in the mud. So everyone is dead or soon to be arrested! Brought to you by “No Moral Theater”!

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Why the actual hell would someone watch this in 3-D?

The first sketch is having Joel put the bots to bed. It shows his fatherly attitude he has towards the bots. Next skit is the invention exchange, but why would he put the bots to bed before the movie if their sole purpose is to riff the movies with him? Makes no sense. Joel’s is a radioactive slinky that is alive. Odd. The Mads was a slinky body. A slink that can put your body in two spots at once. Eh. Next skit is the side hacking song. The play music and sing a song in front of the side hacking footage. This is very common on MST3K actually. This is just the first time they do it. For a first song it’s very dull in the lyrics department, but the acoustics are all right. The next skit is the bots asking about the side hacking and how it’s no longer prevalent in society. They talk about some possible terminology for side hacking. Eh not that funny. It’s also repeating the side hacking footage we just saw sucks. Next skit is talking about how cool Ross is and they make jokes about the fact that his character named after a Nazi. Not funny. They realize that he’s actually a terrible hero and role model then joke about the crappy prisoner joke. Next up we see Mike Nelson play…for gods sake….JC! Ugh this skit sucks. Okay Frank Conniff as Gooch is hilarious and Mike plays JC actually pretty well and funny. Okay that bit saved the skit. The last skit is another song sung by Joel so he plays a parody of the song that constantly plays. A much better song than the Side Hacking Song. This movie starts as a goofy biker movie then when the rape scene happens it turns to a dark, depressing, and nihilistic movie where everyone dies. Ross seems to be a death seeker who just wants to kill JC and he even admits that he doesn’t know what do after that. The movie is among one of my least favorites solely because of how depressing and nihilistic it is at the mid point on. I consider this worse than most movie son the show because you can just feel the life and happiness drain from you as you watch this depressing as hell movie. I could at least get furious and start screaming in anger during Crawling Hand and Moonbase, but this…Nothing. I just feel depressed. The episode itself has it has rare funny moments and the two last sits are pretty funny. If it was on TV and I absolutely had nothing to do and someone with me hadn’t seen it before I wouldn’t turn it off, but I won’t actively go out to watch it again.

Episode Rating – 2/10

Movie Rating – 0/10

Favorite Riff – Combot’s scorecard & ‘You know I can’t get to you’ “There’s. A. Ladder. In. The Way!”

Possible Stinger – Big Jake – “I don’t believe it. You hit me. Did you see what eh did? I don’t believe it. He hit Big Jake.”

Episode – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EdIOMTXkfdA

Trailer – None

201 – Rocketship X-M:

Rocketship xm

The movie starts on government property. It’s a space lab where they plan to launch a rocket ship to Mars. Four dudes and a girl are about to launch into space in their stylish leather suits. They hold a press conference about the project and they talk about sending the people into space (X-M Stands for eXpodtion Moon). The crew is introduced. Col. Flloyd, Dr. Lisa, Dr. Carl, Maj. William, Harry (No rank), and Dr. Ralph. They go over their plan.

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They go over their plan. They’re going to the Moon. People have some exposition chat. They go to the rocket and they blast off.

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A lot of space travel and science mumbo jumbo later and they jettison their tail section and continue the flight. They talk and someone is a being a sexist asshat to Lisa. I honestly can’t tell the difference between them. Some more space stuff happens and they get into some troubles. One of the guys plays his harmonica, but I comically floats off in the regular gravity area. A giant telescope looks for them, but they notice that X-M hasn’t been moving all that much. Slicked back hair guy is dumb. He’s obviously hitting on Lisa and tries to get into, her panties, but he sucks at being attractive. They engage in dumb romantic dialog and asteroids come by.

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They are forced to do some repairs cause I guess they got hit. There becomes a problem with the oxygen, speeding up, and they pass out after a while. They vanish from the telescopes view and are completely off course. They wake up and they find that they are ways off course. They find out by looking out the window and they are within the range of Mars. They land down on Mars and they’re fine despite the rough landing. They land and find that…Rain and thunder on Mars? Oh how naïve the 50’s were. Also the black & white cinematography makes it look like snow on Mars. Looks like Death Valley. Well it is the most unearthly place on Earth.


Also doubles as the set of the Thing From Another World

They wander for a bit and I just realized that it also has a breathable atmosphere. They wander for a bit more and they find a building.

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Actually decent map painting

They dig up a mask near it so they get suspicious. One of the guys sees some things, but they run away. They go to look for the Martians, but they run towards a cave. One of the Martians is shot and he falls down a mountain. Primitive Martians attack them and a female screams and is taken back by a guy who looked kind of like Tor Johnson of Plan 9 infamy.

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Some rocks that the Martians are throwing crush one of the dude’s. They run away and one of them guys trips and is killed by a rock. They lift off with only three people left. They get close to Earth and they attempt to land with an inoperable navigator and two dead buddies. All that’s left is Lisa, Smirky McFlirtsalot, and the wounded guy. They successfully land and inform the people of the deaths. The leader of the operation says it was a success and informs the press of an R-X-M2.

The first sketch of Season 2 is a repair being made on Tom Servo to change his voice. Thank god. Josh Weinstein sucked. Now in the next skit we get to hear a variety of new voices until we settle on the beloved Kevin Murphy Tom that lasts till the series’ ending. Also we lose Josh Weinstein completely and TV’s Frank played by Frank Conniff has replaced Josh’s character that has just vanished. Probably due to the mutation from Black Scorpion, but we have a movie that brings it up soon in Season 3. Frank is working at Dr. Forrester’s new restaurant. They order food and they try to escape the ship by tricking Frank into lowering them, but Dr. F intervenes. Also we get out first glimpse of the Mole People. For Season 2 and Season 3 there was two Mole People who were assistants to Dr. F and TV’s Frank. The invention exchange on both sides is the BGC-19. The robot suit from Aliens except a drum set. Pretty funny. Next skit is unfocused and pretty dumb. It’s talking about the unsung hero of the movie. The reporters. Funny at certain points. The joke about Spike was funny though. William Studman was funny too. Next up is Joel lecturing the bots on Selective Gravity and how some stuff is funnier with no gravity. Not funny. Next skit is them relaxing and waxing poetic about life. They find a ship and Valaria from Robot Holocaust pilots it. Not funny. The episode isn’t the best. They’re still ironing out the goodness. We’ll see the laugh out louds later on the season and definitely at the Season 3. The episode is kind of dull, but the movie was okay. Nothing special, just okay. Recommended for completionists.

Episode Rating – 3/10

Movie Rating – 4/10

Favorite Riff – “By this point my lungs were aching for air.”

Possible Stinger – “A mere speck. Texas a mere speck?”

Episode – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIpM8xIOpTA

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4oCMTgSbL8s

Season 1 Conclusion

That was Season 1 and well…my feeling are obvious. It’s not terrible, it’s just underdeveloped. I liked a few episodes and the rest were either sleepers or just mediocre. Joel always seems like he’s going to fall asleep, Crow has yet to master his trademark snark, Gypsy is a lumbering thing that has no purpose explained yet, and Tom Servo. Oh god Tom. Josh Weinstein cannot get a laugh out of me! He is barely (if ever) funny and has the worst riffs of the trio! He gets much better. The rest of the show does. The sketches aren’t that funny, but there are some like the Fog and Shatner Hand Chocking sketches are funny. The highlight episodes are “The Crawling Eye”, “Slime People”, and “Black Scorpion”. On the flips side I find the episodes of “Robot Vs. The Aztec Mummy”, “Mad Monster”, “Crawling Hand”, “Project Moonbase”, and “Untamed Youth” are positively unbearable.

113 – The Black Scorpion


Ray Harryhousen! One of his earlier movies. When he was still working with Willis O’Brien. A volcano erupts and destroys a city and people are expelled from their home. Like Robot Vs. The Aztec Mummy this is a Mexican production so fear for the worst. Two guys drive up to the volcano and they talk about why an American is in Mexican soul to geology. The driving effect is so bad. They’re clearing not going in the way they’re driving. They cross the border and they hear a loud roar in the distance. They drive towards a gas station that looks like it was destroyed by the volcano. They find a torn up police car so they get suspicious. The professor (the native) talks to the cops on the radio. They hear more noises and instead of leaving after seeing the destroyed car, they walk towards it because they think it’s a rattlesnake. Turns out it’s a baby playing with a rattle. I wasn’t expecting that honestly. Good twist movie. They leave with the baby and they leave towards San Lorenzo. They hear more roars off in the distance and…they leave the baby. Smart move. I am just used to watching idiots. They go foreword and they find the dead cop.


After Crawling Hand, I’m honestly expecting them to leave the body there, but like smart people they report it and give all the info. They make it to San Lorenzo and the people immediately come them upon and the priest of the town comes to them and a lady takes the baby. They speak with the priest over dinner and they talk about the fear of the people. They sleep at the town for the rest of the night and cut to next morning. They are asked by a military guy to not go towards the trouble and if they do they’ll have to waste resources to find them. They go anyway and drive off to the area ruined by the volcano and they find a girl riding a horse. She falls off the horse and they drive off to find her. They meet her and she’s perfectly fine. A few bruises excluded and some wounded pride. The American and the cowgirl hit it off kin of well as the professor finds some rocks on top of rocks. Joel and the bots joke that they found the 10 Commandments. The rock he found was Obsidian and he shouldn’t be surprised. A volcano just erupted so obviously it would be there. They do some more bad driving shot and they drive back to San Lorenzo. Cowgirl talks to some other dudes in cowboy hats and they talk about them leaving the land. They agree though that they’ll return to help her though. They talk to a scientist and they find out that the cop was killed via poison. They bring up snakes and spiders, but not scorpions. Guess they don’t know the title of the movie. The scientist asks for some alcohol, Tequila, salt water, and the poison. Alcohol, salt water, and poison for the test. The tequila for what us Americans would call a coffee break. That was actually a pretty funny line. The cowboys ride off and the cowgirl’s land wasn’t destroyed apparently. So the professor and Scott (The American) meet up at the Cowgirl’s giant house and one of them goes off to shower. Scott and the cowgirl talk about sleeping together, but the professor brings up that they found a fossilized scorpion in the obsidian. The newest Fossil Pokémon! I think it should be a Bug, Fire type! They crack it open and the scorpion is alive. They’re about to go off, but the phone goes off. The universe just doesn’t want them to sleep together yet! They get a call saying that the phone lines were fixed, but a giant scorpion attacks the workers!

black scorpion 1

One of them just stands there and dies while the other wisely decides to stay on the pole. Another guy tries driving off, but his truck doesn’t start and he is killed. The pole guy is grabbed and killed. The kid in the house runs after the dog that fled (It just kind of happened) and he runs into the scorpion. Another volcano erupts and the people flee. Actually it’s the scorpion. The cops try to shoot with an upside down gun, but they can’t kill it. The village is destroyed and the people are forced to leave. They conclude they that the scorpion’s species was from thousands of years ago. So it could be the surviving scorpion from Clash of the Titans it just bred and reproduced somehow. Then they got bigger and bigger, somehow got to Mexico, and slept beneath a volcano. They plan to kill it with gas and I just realized that the kid was named Juanita. I prefer Juan Jon Silver (Inside joke that no one will ever get). He’s simply an annoyance. After crappier driving shots they find dead cows so at least they know they’re close to the thing. A horse rider falls down a mountain and they say they need to go to a lower level to save him. He’s dead. No shock. What they conclude though is that a recent earthquake made the crevice he fell down. If I were a gambling man, I’d say that the scorpion was living there. Juanita snuck on and everyone is fine with it. Why are kids in movies so dumb and annoying? Scott and the Professor go down the crevice via crane elevator with some canaries. Smart. They find the scorpion and they take a picture of it before bringing them highe- lower. Okay. You could arm yourselves with smoke stuff and drop that stuff ands – For gods’ sake! Juanita snuck down! This is why I hate kids. They whine, they complain, and only brush their teeth when they’re told because they’re too stupid to do otherwise (Bonus points it you get that reference)! As I was saying drop the smoke weapons and shoot at the scorpion from a distance to maximize safety. Looks like there is another giant creature. A giant inchworm maybe. Thank god I still have yet to see a giant centipede or millipede. (Shudders in disgust) SEVERAL scorpions show up and they don’t bother going back to the elevator.

black scoprion 2

More of a white scorpion than anything

Please tell me Juanita is just left down there when they escape. Ugh I hate kids. He leaves and starts wonder, but first GIANT MONSTER FIGHT! $20 says the scorpion wins!

the-black-scorpion 3

I am right and it wins in mere seconds. Then the scorpion just cut’s it in half and starts eating it! Metal as hell. After watching the largest one kill, another scorpion they learn the weak point is the neck. Back to the dumbass he comes across a trap door spider and like an idiot he pulls it open, but before he can get caught and cocooned (Or whatever the term is) he runs out. He calls out for help and sadly the guys don’t ignore him.

black scorpion dumbass kid

He backs into a corner and he almost dies. Someone should beat some sense into him. ‘Wanted to help!’ You would help by simply not being here! A scorpion shows up and destroys the crane elevator leaving them all stranded because they looked for Juanita. They hold onto the wire and are slowly brought up. With ALL of them safe (Sadly the stupid child is still around). People just shrug off kids doing stupid things as kids! People should just scold this kid and give him a slap across the face. They set off some explosives and plug up the chasm. They leave for…a place and I’m fully expecting Juanita to hop out of the trunk of their car. They talk about killing the scorpions and next scene, some guy named Hank and the Cowgirl have dinner and drinks. A crap ton of scorpions show up and attack a train. The scorpions kill a ton of people and the remains flee. Then the scorpions fight amongst themselves for the food. The city is evacuated in preparation for the scorpion attack and we hear that the largest scorpion is the only one left due to killing the rest. The scorpion arrives and starts its massacre as the military waits for the scorpion to come to them. They lure the scorpion to the stadium where the military is waiting. They shoot it when it arrives and a guy launches a large harpoon at the scorpion’s throat and misses.

black scorpion end


They shoot again this time they succeed. There is a lot of reusing footage in this scene. Almost as bad as Robot Monster, but so not as bad as Robot V. The Aztec Mummy. The End! The opening segment is a party being thrown and I assume its cause of the end of the seasons. The Mads tried to make a cold fusion Walkman and it had mutated the two. Larry gets mutated and Dr. F is just a walking, talking skeleton. Pretty funny. Joel’s is a giant party blower. Next skit is them playing mariachi music at the party party and eat Mexican food. Like typical MST3K they flash up fake subtitles and it’s pretty funny. Next skit is the bots talking about Joel sleeping and Gypsy shows up with fangs. They also talk about how weird it is that he pees. Okay now I get Gypsy’s thing. She’s pretending to be the giant scorpion. Then they talk about shaving. People are weird. The skit thankfully ends with Gypsy attacking Tom and they explode. That was kind of funny. Next skit is Joel telling the bots about Willis O’Brien and Ray Harryhousen and why their work looks so similar. The stop motion effect for the giant scorpion is perfectly fine and typical Harryhousen and O’Brien effects, but the animatronic of the head isn’t that good. Even then it’s just because it’s ugly and doesn’t do anything other than drool. I’d just like to think that this is preparation for the scorpions from Clash of the Titans. This movie and episode were pretty good. Like I’ve said before I have a soft spot for cheesy monster movies like this so it’s touch to hate it. Well…Aside from Juanita! The episode was pretty funny to. I had a good time. Recommended!

Episode Rating – 7/10

Movie Rating – 7/10

Favorite Riff – “Now if you look to your left, you’ll see the rest of the train.”

Possible Stinger – The giant scorpion killing the giant worm in an instant

Episode – One of the few I cannot find

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdQxw0z44JQ

112 – The Untamed Youth

untamed youth

Tis a teensploitation. One of many we’ll see on the show. Starts with a guy in his mid twenties playing a teen. Typical for this genre. He’s running from the cops, but he is caught and dragged back to where he was fleeing. Okay to the start of the movie and…Two teens skinny-dipping. Then a cop shows up and refuses to turn around or leave, as they have to get out…Well this just took an awful start who’s with me? Also creepily smile, sneering through his cigar, and demanding that they get out. Jesus Christ people complain about cops now! Also the romantic saxophone in the background, the cop being disappointed when they have their clothes on, the creepy smiling! Jesus! Does this movie want me to be uncomfortable within the first two minutes? Yes this is only the first two minutes. I feel some hurting coming along very soon. So he arrests them. Something tells me he will rape them halfway along the trip. So they get brought to a courtroom and are sentenced to either thirty days confinement in jail or work at a farm. Sure they’ll be paid at the farm, but it’s long, manual, labor in the sun. Eh…I’d flip a coin. They decide to work the farm. This is unwise, as we’ll soon see. Also before they leave the judge’s son arrives from the navy and we see him. They meet the leader of the farm and oh god I’m getting bad feelings from him too. I’m sorry, but…I’m just getting this feeling from the creepy cop who spies on teenage girls and the plantation owner who calls a teenage girl “Baby” in a suggestive manner. Just because he’s bugging the SOL crew, and me what the hell is up with the guy bouncing around in the scene. So then the plantation owner fires a guy fro supposedly making out with a worker. This movie wants me to hate it doesn’t it? So plantation owner has a girl as a housekeeper and has her go back to picking cotton. Then she tries to seduce him into staying…This movie DOES want me to hate it! Cut to one of the girls singing for a few minutes. Sure it’s all right singing, but it’s nothing special.


Some guy shoves on the house girl and he also starts staring creepily at the underwear and towel clad underage girls. Is every male in this movie a creep!? Minor note, until the camera was practically right next to this sign that said, “Don’t spit on floor” I honestly thought it said, “Don’t shit on floor”. So they argue a bit and we see that the guys are peeping through their wall! Not gonna say anything about this one. At least they COULD be the same age! Then the house girl and the guitar-playing sister get into an argument and start fighting. One of the girls sprays some cream in the peephole right into the dude’s eye. Good! He is now possibly blind. The plantation owner breaks the fight up and now house & guitar girl are friends due to how tough they are. Okay. The judge’s son shows up and gets a job at the plantation. He starts driving a tractor. The plantation owner argues with some other owners. The people are unhappy and then some guy starts singing! Please shut up. Oh good god please stop! The singing is fine, but the lyrics are so…bland. “You won’t make a cotton picker out of me!” For almost three minutes! Thankfully one of the hands tells them to stop. The judge’s son finds guitar girl passed out and she almost got heat stroke. The hand frightfully says he’ll get a doctor, because I think if he does the plantation owner is going to whip him. So the plantation owner and the judge are dating. So yeah the plantation owner is a tyrant. He wants a monopoly for cotton and he is paying them only 0.75 cents a day, after taking money away from food and living costs. You know we had a word for something like that if you just take away that pay. Ownership? No….oh right SLAVERY! This movie is physically uncomfortable to watch. So they never did get a doctor for the girl. Some talking then almost immediately they slam cut to a girl dancing and flashes her underwear at the camera. Oh no less than four times! I know it’s exploitation, but I’m expecting them to go around topless at one scene. No make that five times. So they party…and party….for the next five minutes. If I leave and make a sandwich I doubt I’d miss anything. So thankfully Chef Party-Killer turns their music off and makes some of them wash dishes. They’re promised pie for their work so they say ‘Hell yeah’ in 50’s slang. Then eh sadly turns the music and partying back on. More and more partying and…oh good god more singing. Did I put on a musical!? I like musicals, but I don’t like this kind of movie. I don’t like the old 50’s singing and music. Never appealed to me. I’m more of a folk rock, film/video game soundtrack, 80’s – Early 2000’s rock, and some emo music. Why am I going on about my music taste? Cause the song is about three minutes long and Chef Fun-Killer (He kills my fun!) telling her that she should be in a recording studio and not in a plantation.


He then tells them about TV. Can this scene please, please end?! So he calls up the PO and tells him about the singing. He tells him to send her right up. I am fearful of what is to come. Guitar and Singing girl argue for a bit and Singing girl doesn’t listen to Guitar girl. Two dudes complain about the food and I just realized that one of the guys is the perv who got cream in the eye. Glad to see he recovered. We then see the judge’s son sifting through the trash for food and is disappointed when he only finds empty cans. Man if the food is that bad you are resorting to looking through the trash then I will take jail. Well that’s a thing. So guitar girl meets judge’s son and he says she hasn’t been back for an hour and a half. “Well you can’t be this naive. I didn’t call for you to come up here to sing!” RAPIST! That’s exactly how the scene starts! Good lord that’s so creepy!


So thankfully the dogs distract him to answer the door. During this singing girl sneaks, so he sets his dogs lose. I guess she teleports onto a roof, while the dog chaser her. Cuts to GOD! More partying footage! We’ve seen more party and singing footage in this movie than there was footage of Slime People in well…Slime People. The party is shut down and we learn that one of the girl’s might be a stripper. Then we cut to plantation owner and the judge making out in a car. More farming footage! So I just learned that judge’s son was named Bob. Typical 50’s hero name. Singer girl passes out again so Bob (I think it’s him) brings her to a hospital. And…she’s dead. She was apparently five months pregnant and died of a hemorrhage. That took a very dark turn. Cut to Bob and the judge and he is telling everything terrible to his mom. Turns out the food they were eating were canned dog food. Makes sense. I’d sift through the garbage after that too. I was honestly expecting a musical stinger when she admits she married the plantation owner. I thought they were just dating. Not that they were married. She breaks down crying and she sends her cop to the area. Also…turns out it wasn’t singer girl. Looked like her. Now we see Guitar sister and singer girl standing right next to each other. Odd…Well anyway Guitar girl and Bob talk about how they want to be together and start making out. So guitar girl tells the judge everything awful about the farm, including the attempted molestation on her sister. So we go from that scene to…ugh…more singing and partying. Once again its just a girl singing a bad song decently. Skip this scene. She is pulled out by Bob and we cut to an floor shot of guitar girl and the judge driving. So some other girl is singing now! We just had a scene of them singing! Now the plantation owner is talking to some Spanish-speaking guy. I guess another plantation owner. Bob gets a Spanish-speaking girl and they hire him I think. This movie just has all bad hallmarks of a plantation movie. Exploitation on kids and Mexicans. All that’s missing is a group of black people being mistreated.


A lack of images has made me put this up here

They get caught and are going to be taken to the Mexican border and ‘taken care of’. Ah 50’s. Villains used to be so one sided. Then all the kids show up with farming equipment and get ready to attack anyone. So a guy pulls out a gun and starts shooting up in the air. The judge breaks it up, but Mexican guy drives off and intro a wall. Oh and don’t expect them to dance around some racism. Bob flat out says, “This coyote was gonna bring 300 wetbacks with phony permits on them!” Lets not beat around the bush here. So everyone is sent back to the courthouse. AND GUESS WHAT? We’re working in one last song! This one is a very stereotypical mariachi band paying on TV and Singing girl is now decently singing terrible songs on TV. This movie had to give me one last reason to hate it! Watching her dancing and listening to her songs this whole time I think she has a good chance of being a stripper in the future. I’m kidding actually. The last song “Go Calypso Go” is actually pretty good. It has a good beat, the singing is good, good acoustics considering the song, and the lyrics are kind of entertaining.


So guitar girl and Bob hook up at the end. Then the end! Thankfully Daddy-O was never said once.

The invention exchange is a Neverlight Pipe for Joel. Just a pipe that puts itself out whenever you light it. The Mads made Tongue Puppets. Puppets that go on your tongue. Yawn. Next skit is about Greg Brady from Brady Bunch. It’s a terrible skit. Not funny and incoherent. Next skit is doing the mind of Gypsy. The skit is odd, but to late. This is the first time we get an explanation for what Gypsy does and we’re two episodes way from Season One’s ending. She’s thinking of Richard Basehart and ram chips. Unfunny. Next skit is Gypsy regurgitating stuff like cotton, taffy, paper towels, and another Tom Servo. Eh. Not funny. This movie just wanted me to hate it! The whole movie was long, dull, and slow as molasses. The movie was also extremely creepy. Most of the movie made me extremely uncomfortable. You know that feeling where you just can’t get comfortable on the chair no matter how much you adjust yourself of try to get comfortable. That’s what’s this experience was like. The riffing wasn’t that funny either. There was the occasional one, but nothing special. This is one I really wouldn’t recommend to anyone, but to completionists like me.

Episode Rating – 1/10

Movie Rating – 1/10

Favorite Riff – ‘I just learned the conditions you were all living in’ “I read your contracts I can’t believe you all agreed to this!”

Possible Stinger – The creepy cop peeping on the girls.

Episode – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UInllOhJT-0

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSXIUC0KxgQ

“The Peanuts Movie” Directed by Steve Martino.


It’s Peanuts! Really what more can I say? The universe still hates Charlie Brown, Woodstock still steals the entire show, The Red Baron is a main character, and the characters are all there. The film is about Charlie trying to impress his friends and the Little Red-Haired Girl (That’s actually her name!). Meanwhile, Snoopy writes a book about the Flying Ace, as he tries to save his love interest, Fifi, from the Red Baron and his zeppelin. I seriously called the Snoopy story beat for beat, which was hilarious. It was funny and it had great moments, but the kids in the theater were kind of the annoying, but I can’t bash the movie to much for that. Final Verdict 9/10 Woodstocks.

111 – Moon Zero Two


Thankfully no more Commando Cody from here on out. It starts with an animated opening where a guy pulls his helmet off and suffocates then puts it back on. Another space ship land and they land in two different parts. One is the US and the other is the Soviet Union. They partake in slapstick as other countries spaceships land on the moon and make a hotel and city. The Russian and US guy then leave.

moon_zero_two animated

Cut to real life footage. Some guy hops out his space ship and towards another one that is much smaller than we are led to believe. Might be a satellite. He brings it in and we slowly watch as he shuts the door. Then he gets back to the control room and we are exposed to the funky soundtrack. They try to get clearance to land. We hear more of the soundtrack and I think they just have a band playing for them at all times in the cargo hold. Some guy walks up them and starts giving them crap about making his ship wait an extra two minutes before they could land. Boo hoo. Some guy walks on with a monocle on. He’s clearly the villain. He goes to the locker room while talking to a dude and then he goes to shower. Not even a full shower it’s just a bar that covers his balls. Some woman comes in looking for a Captain Kemp or something and she walks in just as he’s leaving. He tells her to piss off and the showering guy finds out that a guy named Otto died.


The woman is also wearing a stupid hat

Then they slam cut to another movie playing the background! The monocle guy is sitting in the theater and turns out the shower guy is Kemp. So Kemp talks to the woman on a space train and then it looks like they’re on a space version of the city from Logan’s Run. He shows her some areas. Then a green haired girl with blue eyeliner shows up and says the girl and her brother have no reservation. Kemp explains the physics of this place and he tells her to get some new clothes. Then…Thighs! Just cuts to a bunch of dancing girls!


Kemp meets up with his co-pilot to drink and they drink some distilled rocket fuel. Kemp is bothered, but a dude with stupid hair who works with the monocle guy. No one seems to notice the gun he pulled on Kemp though. We cut to monocle guy and…he’s playing gamble monopoly… Jesus that’s dumb. Also he has some slaves with colored hair. Are supposed to be bored/hate his guy. So Kemp arrives, takes the gun from the guy. Then throws it away and starts downing the real booze on the table. Glad the guy has his priorities. Monocle guy wants Kemp to crash a space ship into an asteroid. It’s supposedly worth a lot of money so he wants it. It’s made of 6,000 tons of sapphire. Kemp declines, but he is reminded that he has some law troubles. He is offered a brand new space furry if he does it. Kemp gets some coffee and is questioned, but his co-pilot tells the questioner off. So yeah he’s going through with this plan. He leaves with the gun guy, his co-pilot, and some other guy. They blast off and the soundtrack kicks in. They chat about the asteroid location and they cut back to the place. Then I think thugs or whatever shows up. Space biker gang? I’m not entirely sure, but people are scared of them. Also the club is now western theme for some reason.


The lady from before talks to two of the dudes about her brother whom they haven’t seen in ages. Also I learned the dudes are a space Caravan. They find the asteroid and slowly leave the ship…Maybe this is why we have another 40 minutes. They attach an engine to the asteroid…very, very slowly. They plan to have them shoot off the rocket, but Kemp has to stay on for a few seconds to send it off. They send it off and Kemp is able to get off. Cut back to the bar and he haves some more terrible fake booze. He speaks to no brother girl and since no one has seen her in four months I’d think he just died. They think he is working as a miner in one of the moons many craters. The gun goon and Kemp get into a fight and they throw each other around. They turn the gravity off so the fight scene is even longer than normal. Cut to them on the ship and they land near a crater. No one knows where this brother is apparently. I’ve got my money on the idea that he’s dead. The two leave on a moon-buggy to go out searching for the possibly dead man. Then she kind of rubs it in that he’s older and went to Mars first. They walk around her brothers work sight and they find a person. They think they found her brother and shock of all shocks. He’s dead! Actually how did he manage dying, while standing up? And standing perfectly still for four months…actually…why is he a skeleton? How could he completely decompose is the dark, cold void of space and moon?


And be filled with sand

Moon goons then attack while they try to raid the mining site. He lures them out then shoots the green raider. He shoots the yellow guy’s oxygen tank and then he’s backed into a corner, by a space-bulldozer driven by raider red. He plays possum and shoots his oxygen pack, but he replaces it with her brothers. Okay the tank her brother was breathing from apparently wasn’t air and he died gas inhalation. This whole expedition was a terrible idea and ended badly. Brother has been dead for months, gets attacked by raiders, loses space buggy, kills three dudes, takes their bulldozer, and it wont even get them back all the way and their oxygen won’t last them. They drive through the land and see the sun rise. Now they’re safe to take their suits off and can breathe. They drive for a while and Kemp has taken his shirt off. Then the girl starts stripping as well.


They only have seven or ten miles left, but the sun is so hot the bulldozer starts melting from the inside. They get back into their suits have and have to make a run for it before the machine explodes. Welp. Time to trek for about a while. They arrive back at the buggy place and they almost get arrested. Turns out it was cyanide in his air pack. They find out that the proprietor was forced to give him a poisoned air filter so he would lose the land so they could crash the asteroid. Monocle guy is out under arrest and gun goon draws his gun. He shoots the cop and she slowly dies. With the girl at gunpoint Kemp had agreed to land the asteroid. The co-pilot and girl plan to help Kemp get away so they turn on a booster that gun goon was standing beneath and destroys his helmet and sends him flying in space. The ship comes back and the co-pilot shoots the oxygen off of some guy and finishes the asteroid launch, while leaving monocle guy and computer guy on the asteroid and they crash down and die. They go back to the moon city and Kemp asks the girl her room number. The end!

Invention exchange is Drive-By-Food (Food that goes straight to your stomach) for Joel and Celebrity-Mouth-to-Mouth (Toothbrush with celebrity heads that dispense toothpaste) for the Mads. We already are kind of have the Mads invention, but Joel’s was kind of clever. Next skit is Joel and the Bots performing a play on the first moon landing. Not that funny. The next skit is the Monopoly game….wait…it was called MOONOPOLY? GRRR! Well the skit is just adding moon or some random theme to games. They do however have the insight of Super Lunar Mario Bros. Everything else is just kind of funny. Then he makes the bots Rock-Em-Sock-Em fight. It was an all right skit. Last skit is Tom and Crow talking about the women of the movie and debating how much they find the other woman beautiful. Eh neither is all that pretty. Then they turn of the gravity and fight that way. It’s just as slow and boring as it is in the movie. The skit started dumb, but ended kind of funny. The episode is a made for TV show converted into a movie. This happens a lot in the future. This episode was middle of the road. The movie was nothing special, the jokes were occasionally funny, two of the sketches were funny, and I don’t hate it as much as Project Moonbase, which means a lot. I’d check it out again.

Episode Rating – 4/10

Movie Rating – 3/10

Favorite Riff – “Um we’re about to walk off the set. Would you mind going the other way?”

Possible Stinger – Kemp turning off the gravity and fighting.

Episode – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azsXZs3C6DY

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2d8NlbkZzFk

110 – Robot Holocaust. Short: Commando Cody Part 9


Sadly like usual, we have the short first. In our last ‘exciting’ episode, we saw Ted escape in the flying suit while Cody’s tank exploded. Begins where nine ended and once again with a trick of deceptive editing. Instead of the usual “he escaped while we weren’t looking” bit, however, this time we discover that Cody’s tank did not blow up after all; it was actually the identical enemy tank the Moon Men were driving. You see, Ted flew over and dropped a grenade on them as they were aiming. After a bit of gunplay, Cody fixes their stolen tank and they escape back to the spaceship with the box of Lunarium that Cody stole in the previous episode. After a brief exchange with the Moon Man prisoner that ends with the Moon Man pouting and stomping off to his room like a sullen teenager, they take off and then…the film ends. Not the end of the episode, it just ends. Like halfway through it stops. Thank god. They were becoming unbearable. Anyway on to the movie!

So apparently the Robot’s had destroyed humanity in 2033. So then after the credits it shows 2 dudes beating each other up as other people and what I think are robots. Then one is pick pocketing the humans. Then some guy come in, stops the pick-pocketing robot, apparently psychically speaks to it, and learns that it’s a fight to the death. The most powerful slave from the fight are brought to a special place where they are “rewarded” when in all actuality they are killed so no rebellions can come about. Cut to a factory and a woman is walking around and talking to the Dark One (The current leader of the world). The two combatants don’t want to kill each other and the people demand that there be no winner. So the Dark One turns the oxygen off. He turns the oxygen back and the observing robot kills the two fighters. Saved the process I guess. Then some guy is taken by the Dark One.

robot-holocaust 1

I’ll admit Valaria (blonde woman) is quite striking

The guy who arrived is named Neo and is the new owner of the thief bot. Oh and he is psychic. Also this movie is shot in New York City. Perfect for the post apocalyptic robot movie. Also Neo is a half robot. I guess. Also this Neo acts just as good as Keanu Reeves as Neo. They go wander through the ruined NYC then find some Feminaz-I mean She-Warriors in Central Park. They say men are worthless except for pregnancies. Neo’s robot apparently points a gun at her and he demands a fair fight. The guy wins the fight and since Neo make shim spare her, she now belongs to him. Okay? They make her show them where the Factory where the girl’s dad is and free their sex guy. The lady working with Dark One the steps in a pleasure machine and she is forbidden because of reasons. She meets the dad and he is put in a crystal. Also the ladies name is Valaria. The crystal is a viewing orb I guess. He is brought to the room of questions which I assume I just futuristic Jeopardy. The group decides to go through underground caverns, while mutants and hand puppets apparently stalk them.

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They draw their weapons and one of them is already dead I think. The sock puppets are un-scary and they make it out mostly alive with one of the dudes is bitten on the neck.


They stop by some water and I think it might kill them if they go through. They torture the dad and Valaria says the robot Torque (Observer) is going to intercept the group and kill them. The mutants finally attack and they start eating the wounded guy. After yet another fight scene they flee with the robot covering their tracks with a force field. Cut back to Valaria talking to science dad. Joel & the bots make jokes about how they can’t understand what she says, but I understand her fine.

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Torque looks kinda cool

But back to the group and they arrive at the factory. Or the factories map painting for better example. Turns out the winners of the tournaments are crucified upside down. So science dad finally sees the Dark One, but we don’t. Anyway back to the rebels. They enter through factory’s a basement and they find out that they’re essentially in a minefield. Cut back to the air slaves and they talk about how the warriors have been gone a day so they anticipate that they’re dead. I guess they plan stop working so the Dark One loses power. Torque pushes a button and a guy falls down a pit and hurts himself. The dad is then merged with the Dark One. I think. One of the mutants is shown to be dead so that means Troque is closing in. Then I think Troque and Valaria have a thing going on. Apparently the way they’re going down are led to a supposedly dangerous wound. I love how the warrior woman talks about how men are weak and worthless, yet she has been one of the weakest links on this team, even more so than the robot. Then the daughter walks foreword a bit and is completely stuck in a web. How do you manage that? Then she is attacked by a either a giant spider arm, some random creature, or another sock puppet. Probably the latter. The rest of the slaves leave the area and then we immediately go back to the rest of the gang. So sex guy wakes up and warns them that something might be nearby. So Troque released some creature that’s just another sock puppet and I think he dies!


Obvious chestburster rip off is obvious

I don’ know, because they keep cutting back to the slaves doing nothing! Then the group finds that he is indeed dead. The creature bursts out his chest akin to the chestburster, and Neo kills it violently. The warrior woman touches a fence and sets off the alarm. Displeased with her constant failure, the Dark One shocks Valaria for a bit. The robot is unaffected by the electricity so he pulls the gates open. The robot is hit or something and is deactivated. They waste some time reviving him and he is fine. The robot had some explosives on him so they blow the metal door open. The rebels find some explosives with wire traps. The WW says the sex dude should just blow the path open for them by walking though it so the daughter slaps her. Neo walks him through how to deactivate it and Neo has him cut the wires. They deactivate it and cut the wires. This Dark One is extremely fallible. He is easily conquered by five rebels, his guards are weak as hell, he sets up easily avoidable traps, and his power is lost by people simply doing nothing. They fight some guard bots and win. They finally fight Troque and he gets his ass kicked. Troque just throws Neo around and starts choking him. Valaria captures the daughter, but is betrayed by the Dark One and explodes something around her, exposing that she was an android.


She turns on a self-destruct for the area and she gloats to him. Then sex dude dies in a fight before the robot kills his killer. The daughter stands around and Troque kills the WW and in her last moment she turns off the self-destruct. Damn it WW the movie would have ended sooner! The daughter sees her father merged with the Dark One and….they’re a giant avocado with a head on it.

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Looks so dumb

Troque once again kicks Neo’s ass, but Neo grabs his dagger and escapes. Valaria turns the air off again and they all start suffocating. The robot shoots and kills Valaria with his laser. Troque and Neo fight again and it finally ends with Troque being destroyed with a sword, Neo takes the robots gun and shoots the Dark One killing him and the father. The robot turns the air back on and they all come back to life. They mope for a bit then Neo and the robot leaves the daughter there. They walk off into the sunset of the still standing city.

For the invention exchange it’s a monster truck pipe for Joel and a ski mask with articulating eyebrows for the Mads. Neither is all that good. The next skit makes no sense. They want Joel to perform magic tricks, but they dress up as the Huns or something. It’s not funny and it’s just really dumb. Next Joel and the bots simulate a sitcom and it sucks. The skit sucks. Skip it. Last skit is them acting out some stuff from the movie and while Tom loves it Crow and Joel aren’t digging it or having to wear road kill. Not funny. The movie was fine. The riffs sucked, but the movie was all right. I particularly disliked the female warrior, but Joel and the Bots bashed the robot and Valaria. I didn’t mind them or find her all that hard to understand. The effects, make up, and costumes sucked, but it was a cheesy fun movie. The episode sucked, but the movie was okay.

Episode Rating – 1/10

Movie Rating – 6/10

Favorite Riff – “I guess it’s a wasteland. If you don’t consider that city behind you.”

Possible Stinger – Valarai being told she’s going to be killed and her reaction.

Episode – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efof8AUn_Vo

Trailer – Sadly the closest thing to a trailer. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsGCbw4nT5E