402 – The Giant Gila Monster

giant gila monster
Our film of the hour starts with a narration and shots of a swamp. Are watching Boggy Creek? Sadly no we’re watching a teen monster movie. We see two kids in a car and they are IMMEDIATELY killed. No dialog, no reactions, no nothin!
giant gila monster 1 I don’t think the movie is about them
If the movie stays like this it’ll be 10 minutes long! Now we see a bunch of teen, being swell, and dancing. I am fully expecting the teens to just die right now considering the opening. They talk about cars and now I have the urge to watch American Graffiti. One of the girls just starts in another language as a guy known as Old Harris shows up. They want to buy his car off him, but he talks about selling it in New York City. The sound quality is bad, but shockingly it’s better than Space Travelers. They talk about a couple that didn’t make it to the party so I assume they’re the ones who died. Two people argue about searching for the kids from before and they argue about…control of the kids I think? Something like that. So the sheriff meets with a teen (who might be the hero) at an auto shop and they talk about the teens that vanished. The sheriff knocks on a door and it instantly opened. Were they waiting at the door? They talk about someone who might be the girl. I don’t know. The other cop from before comes the auto shop. At this point the poor sound quality is killing me. I can BARELY understand the dialog. Funny thing about the scene is that both of them have their feet on the table. The auto shop guy is on the phone and they find a crashed car. This is a clean Gila monster cause he eats up his victims without mess. We see more driving and Gila monster eats a dude. There’s an awful continuity shot where its day when he drives, pitch black when his lights shine on the briefcase, and then stays dark in the scene. The Gila watches and doesn’t eat them. Our hero goes somewhere to met his girl so he puts up his knee to pass the time. Our hero is the boyfriend of the French gal and worked at the auto shop. I think his name is Chase. So Chase drives beside some drunk guy who crashes into a sign. We try to have humor by making the drunk guy think he can drive while Chase tows him. The drunk guy was a DJ and gave Chase $40. Chase talks with the sheriff and there’s talk of him getting fired if he can’t find them or something within a few days. Chase gets his buddies to help look. Also Chase is a teen with a bald spot. While searching our heroes are almost eaten by the Gila. They found a car crashed into a ditch and our heroes go to look. There are cut-ins of the monster, but they don’t look like they’re anywhere near each other.
giant gila monster 2
They return to the cop and talk about finding the empty car. Then we see a truck diver who is killed almost instantly. However the monster doesn’t kill him. It licks in a cutaway, the truck driver falls onto his side, the truck explodes, and then the Gila walks in from another scene. Then our hero walks home and lifts up his mom. Turns out its his little sister’s new shoes. Actually his handicapped sister learned to walk. This scene has a funny moment where the white just cuts out and the screen is black for a second. This is supposed to be a heartwarming moment, but its kinda funny due to his bad singing.
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Then the white cuts out for a moment again. Then he drives off to the sheriff for reasons I couldn’t hear. Seriously I watched the scene like 4 times and I couldn’t understand a world of it. They find the blown up truck and I think that’s the most expensive scene in the movie. The sheriff and an old guy talk about the crash I guess. Once again I can’t really hear anything. Its not my headphones or the speaker. The audio is that bad! Then we hear people listen to the radio and talking about a steamroller. Next up is a drunken driving guy who sings, races against a train, and almost dies. The Gila walks under the bridge and destroys it. Then it just wanders off to a river like its bored. The drunk guy gets a POV of the monster and judging by this shot he’s driving in the lakebed. The train crashes and the drunk guy just turns around and leaves. He’s just like “Fuck this noise!” So we see our sheriff and the drunk guy talks to him about the lizard. Our hero goes home and he sings again. The hero talks on the phone more and we dissolve to our hero talking with the sheriff. They talk about the lizard and a zoologist. Good thing we’re learning about lizards. Then they go to a dance in a barn. About as fun as it sounds. Our hero brings in the DJ from earlier. Some guy talks to the sheriff and blames him for the death of his son. He says he’s guilty for not finding what kills him. I don’t see how ANY OF THIS is his fault! Then back to the dull ass party and the hero plays some stupid ukulele music. Remember when there was a lizard in this film? Oh there it is.
giant gila monster 4
I bet the lizard will be cut into the scene at random, and people will react to something that’s not there. That’s exactly what happens. The lizard just looks REALLY confused in every shot. Especially when it’s head just rams into the building. Our hero and the sheriff drive off to chase the lizard. Our hero gets some nitro and makes a big deal about them crashing into each other. So he drives like a maniac. The lizard gets into a house and we find that it may have eaten his sister. Huh. Kinda ballsy for a movie like this. We see the sister is still alive, but they almost run her over. Our hero lets his car drive into the Gila and it explodes. Also when he let of the nitro to drive why didn’t it fling into the windshield and explode. Our heroes are alive, the lizard is dead, and the movie is over. Thank god!
Opening skit is OH GOD! Joel has sewn Crow’s head on Tom’s body so they can become the Thing With 2 Heads! AAAAAHHHHH! SO after that terrifying display we hear from Frank that Dr. F is dead. Only he’s not dead. For the invention exchange Joel has a radio with a tuner that only picks up channels from old sitcoms and movies. The Mads demonstrate their Renaissance Festival punching bags. I would LOVE Joel’s invention! In the next skit Joel has turned a spare closet into a teen pavilion/barbershop as seen in the film. Joel throws a tantrum about the Bots “messing with his skit” despite the fact that they were playing along. Middle skit is the SoL crew celebrating the classic drunks, and Crow asks, “When did public intoxication stop being funny?” They do their own versions of funny drunks. It ends up turning into an after school special. Also Tom has a stroke. Pretty funny. Skit four is “Servo on Cinema”. A show in which Tom walks about films. Joel and Crow cannot resist butting in. Pretty funny when we see a montage of all the times people have their legs up. In the final skit the SoL crew has a fake band, but Crow lampshades that it’s the same thing they did with SpiDorr. Also the letter leads into a long-lived joke from the future. A little girl thinks Crow’s name is Art. This’ll make sense in about two or thee seasons.

How did I ever miss this one before? That Gila was incredible! I love how he barely caused any of those accidents directly! He just basically waddled around the whole movie and is cut in with accidents and people screaming. The episode is very, very funny with funny skits. The movie is dull as all hell, very poorly made, and even without the riffing I couldn’t comprehend most of the scenes. There’s a bunch of padding and some scenes go on for WAY to long. The death scenes suck due to them randomly cutting in the lizard. This film is terrible, but the episode is amazing. I recommend it.
Episode Rating – 10/10
Movie Rating – 2/10
Favorite Riff – “Is there anywhere for me to put my knee up here on boy?”, “You know when I look at the human race I just gotta laugh. I got a chickpea for a brain and I’m still smarter than they are! Go figure.”, “Hey he put on some weight like DeNiro!” “What do you mean? That is DeNiro.”. “I just know I’m gonna take the blame for this and I wasn’t even close!”, “Before she could barely walk, now she’s luggin furniture!”, “Seig heil everybody, seig heil.”
Stringer – Drunken old Harris gags on soda
Possible Stinger – The teens in the beginning instantly being killed.
Episode – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNWLs7IgbZY
Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3b0NWljlPw

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