403 – City Limits

city limits
Since it’s a FVI filmwe have fake credits. So what now? Footage from Taxi Driver? Footage from Sidehackers? Random footage that isn’t from anything? NO! Just a blank card that says City Limits. Picturesque filmmaking. Also Jame Earl Jones & Kim Cattrall are in it! NICE! The film takes place 15 years in the future. So 2000? So in the future time has no meaning since a shot is day for night at first, but then its pitch black outside. The future has bikers clad in typical strange garb you see in apocalypse movies. Leather, random bits of cloth, some animal hide, and more leather. So our characters bring a wounded guy to James Earl Jones’s home and he starts narrating.
city limits 1 & 3
Adults killed by a plague and kids dying from neglect. So now we see a guy wearing a bone mask meeting some girl. Also this has FVI freeze frames for credits. They mess with some color and paste the name on the bottom. So the two get into a giant metal bathtub together. Joel decides to be a buzz kill and opens his umbrella to censor them. So bone mast guy leaves to become a biker and we find the title sign. So our hero (named Weyland I think) is looking for a gang of surviving humans called the Clippers. Then a truck almost hits him. Maybe it’s the messed up New York feel to it, the bikers, and talk of gangs, but this is REALLY reminding me of Warriors and Streets of Fire. Now we meet the beauty that is Kim Cattrall. Granted she’s not as beautiful as she was in Big Trouble Little China, but still. Kim is Kim. So after some people in a base tell him to get off his bike he rides off and finds some biker thugs. We see some more people who look stupidly dressed as they chase him. Some guy named Burt locks up his bike and the entire gang begins to ride past him. He immediately becomes friends with them and one guy declares him as Superman. He declares his interest to join them, but they tell him they don’t need anyone. So we see the Clipper’s home base where they keep all their motorcycles. Weyland chats with one of the members and they are held up. Burt claims he killed some guy named Bob, but our hero manages to beat them up and escapes. Him and the girl hide from the Clippers and she laughs at the fact that he’s bleeding. The two ride off and we cut back to the Clippers. They start talking about clothes and how one of them eats cat food. Really in the apocalypse it shouldn’t matter. Weyland gets brought back and they discuss the rules. Don’t cross boarders, no guns, and no murder. The leader says he should just give him up. So they talk about comics and how they’ll have a trail by combat regarding his fate. So the villain of the movie talks with the man from before regarding the trial. So they go drive up to a former museum where they conduct the trial. Also Kim! There’s talk of a corporation working for the government. There’s talk off lights, medicine, and food. Now it feels like it’s a rip off of Beyond Thunderdome. So the fight is conducted via joust. Shock of all shocks, the Clippers win. Cut over the villain’s warehouse base. Kim is chatting with two guys and one of them is called like “Chopper” or something. So cravat villain and the main villain chat a bit about being behind schedule. We see the villain breaks one of the rules of no guns and has a few smuggled in beer. Instead shooting him they just let him run around and try to escape. So they interrogates Whitey for a bit and then shoots him dead. So what happens if someone breaks the rules? Are they kicked out of their gang? Are they like shunned or something? So there’s a miniature montage of stuff we never saw about Whitey. Kim looks up what she should do and her computer tells her to get work forces via any means possible. So cravat villain flips out about cutting people off and trying to keep contact with the Clippers. Then there’s some footage of people driving around walking. Kim sneaks around and gets underground. Kim re-surfaces nearby the Clipper’s funeral pyre for Whitey. Kim tries to warn them and the cravat villain tries to bring him so they would be spared. They get into a scuffle and the villains start shooting at them. A couple of people get tagged and the movie goes into slow-mo. Kim hops on with someone as our heroes either flee or die. They escape to….not the place at the beginning of the movie. Kim works her medical knowledge and heals Mick (the leader of the Clippers). There’s a strange personal flashback, but the way how it’s filmed makes it seem like it’s happening concurrently with what’s going on. They manage to steal some motorbikes for Kim and some other gal in the Clippers. So our heroes try to sneak into the villain’s warehouse and now I’m wondering what the hell was up with James Earl Jones. He’s not narrating an of this so I’m confused about his purpose. They manage to meet up with some of the Clippers and they find guns, but no bullets. Mick leaves and finds cravat guy. They talk and Mick is beat up by the villains, but the Clippers ride in and save Mick. One of them lobs Molotov Cocktails and destroys a truck. Finally cut back to James Earl Jones. Actually we just replay the beginning of the film.
city limits 1 & 3
So we see some characters stand around each other and not say or do anything. James looks like he’s in much better clothes then the rags everyone else is wearing. One girl kicks her bike down so she walks off with one of the guys. He shows her a motorcycle to replace the one she broke. One guy drives off on it and immediately crashes it. What a screw up. Mick wants to abandon the lost city, but everyone else is adamant so our hero punches the wounded man in the face. Our hero makes out with Kim (lucky bastard) after a stupid one-sided conversation she has. So everyone decides to go back and we get a motorcycle repair montage. They leave in their stupid outfits and ride off back to the city.
city limits 4
They get inside the base and start some uprisings. People get thrown out windows, people just run away, and violence happens that we cant see cause the camera is from a distant outside shot. So James Earl Jones drives around in a rec Cadillac dressed in a stupid costume. Then a gunfight ensues as everyone gets in the parking lot. Also I think cravat guy betrayed his evil team. The villains take Kim hostage and get out a large machine gun. However they dint actually kill anyone. Seeing Crow flip out at the villain hits Kim is kinda of hilarious. James pulls out a remote control plane, flies it into things, and they explodes. Kim easily escapes and James blows up the villain. So they capture the guy who was in charge of it I guess and cravat guy kills him extremely easy. What the hell was his purpose!? So everything is hunky dory I guess? The end.
In the opening Joel says Ping Pong balls. Then they fall from the sky. Maybe cause I never watched Captain Kangaroo I didn’t think it was funny. For some reason Crow’s remark “They’ve been up there for months!” is pretty funny. Next up is the invention exchange. Joel shows off his Mr. Meat & Potato Head toys. The Mads demo Pop Star Tupperware. Next up Crow declares his love for Kim Cattrall and sings for her. Kinda funny and who doesn’t love Kim? Next up the SoL crew investigate and create their own superheroes. Not that funny. Really Deep Man is really deep, man. Next skit is exactly the same. Dull. At the end Joel and the bots try to play the City Limits trivia game, but they can’t remember anything about the movie. They read some letters instead. Honestly I don’t blame them cause this movie sucked!
Yet another dull biker movie. It has an apocalypse twist to it, but that doesn’t add. As a matter of fact its more dull than Wild Rebels cause of the extended scenes of people just standing around, walking around, or just laying around with shirts or pants off. The action is dull, the characters are boring, and the acting is stilted. Aside from the two big exceptions. Kim Cattrall and James Earl Jones. James brings his typical gravitas and Kim is amazing in everything….and I’m not just saying that because she’s beautiful! Well…kinda. With Crow’s blatant admiration for her, she was actually flattered and sent him a bouquet of flowers. The episode is kinda dull. The skits sucked, but the riffs were fairly funny. I’d recommend a viewing.
Episode Rating – 6/10
Movie Rating – 2/10
Favorite Riff – “Hey we found the title!”, “Be careful. These guys are trained cable installers.”
Stinger – The remote control explosives kills the villain.
Episode –
Trailer –

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *