Category Archives: Old Movie Reviews (2015)

“Druids” Directed by Jacques Dorfmann

Druids Film
I saw this movie with my buddy Nolan and my god…This movie was magical. It was an editing and audio nightmare! It also has Christopher Lambert and Max Von Sydow in it. Christopher Lambert I can get because this is the kind of movie I would see the script for and say “Dude! When do we start?” I get it. I’d do thiS movie for shits and giggles, but the FUCK IS MAX VON SYNDOW DOING IN THIS!? He even doesn’t take it seriously he just looks like he’s gonna say “I’m getting paid for this right?” Everyone else is so sincere, but they’re so bad! So Chris plays a guy named Vercingetorix who fights against Julius Caesar. He is indeed a druid, but he can’t use Dark Magic. He sucks then. The action choreography is awful, but the editing is so bad they cut every time someone swings a sword! The worst death of all is when someone tries to conspire with our hero a rock hits his forehead and he just dies! A lot of inaudible dialog and awful fighting we see our hero surrender to Julius Caesar. Speaking of Julius Caesar he has the worst edit in the movie! It shows Roman soldiers burning towns, cuts over to Julius for a split second, then cuts back to a burning house. WHAT!?
Julius Ceasar
If you’re looking for a laugh I highly recommend it! Movie wise it’s absolute crap! I don’t need to re-iterate that it’s an absolute nightmare in editing, action, acting, and audio. However it’s so much fun I can’t pass it up if I was gonna watch it with friends! Get some drinks and have some laughs!
Final Verdict: 2/10 Julius Caesar Edits
Movie –

“Halloween” Directed by John Carpenter


Still one of my favorite posters ever

I watched it as a lead up to Halloween cause I’ll be busy on Halloween with my B Movie marathon. I watched it for the first time about a year or so ago and I liked it. I’ve had it on as background noise sometimes, but never really re-watched it. This was the first time since and I really don’t regret it this is an amazing movie. The mood, atmosphere, suspense, and the characters are all amazing. The film stars Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode and she gives an amazing performance. She goes from an introverted schoolgirl, to a kind babysitter, to a smart survivor. Granted she makes some stupid mistakes like ignoring people claiming they saw someone who vanished, when she was doing the same thing before with her friends when it was the other way around. Speaking of her friends they are so much fun. Annie and Lynda have very funny lines and their hypersexual, overtly perky, and totally valley girlish attitudes contrast with Laurie’s shy and introversive nature mix well. At the start of the film Dr. Loomis played by Donald Pleasance who gives the performance of his life is a crazy man’s doctor and said crazy man is being transported out of juvenile detention. Said crazy man Michael Myers steals his work car and drives for Haddonfield, Illinois (filmed in California). On the way he steals a jumpsuit, a William Shatner mask, some rope, and knives. Laurie constantly sees Michael, but he vanishes when she looks back or tried to tell people about him. One of may favorite scenes is when Laurie is walking home with Annie and Lynda and are chatting about people stuff until Michael speeds by. Annie jokingly shouts, “Speed kills you know!” Michael then stops the car for a solid minute and drives off. I’d love to imagine in that time Michael was debating driving back and just snapping her neck in broad daylight. Laurie leaves to babysit a kid and they chat for a bit before we get constant cut backs to Annie watching another kid who is totally absorbed in a monster movie marathon (they played The Thing from Another World AND Forbidden Planet! Two movies on my lineup). Annie leaves the girl with Laurie so she can go sleep with her boyfriend and she goes to get her keys while singing what she’s doing, which I do and made me laugh. Annie is killed and shortly after Lynda and her boyfriend Bob show up at the house to have sex. They do and are killed. Laure goes over after Lynda is killed by Michael while on the phone with her and is slashed by Michael. She runs back into the kid’s house and stabs Michael in the neck with a knitting needle. Laurie goes upstairs to comfort the kids, but Michael comes back upstairs and hides herself and the kids in separate closets. Michael breaks into hers so she stabs him with a coat hanger and his butcher knife. He once again gets up and Dr. Loomis comes into the house and shoots Michael off the balcony. In the next shot of Loomis looking down he is gone. The end! This is still one of the best horror movies ever made. I’d say it rivals against Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Nightmare on Elm Street 2, and Friday the 13th Part 4 for my favorite horror film. The music is chilling and sets the mood of each scene wonderfully. There are next to no jump scares in it and they are all deserved. It is a chilling film, but my favorite scene is when Laurie sees the bodies of her friends as she’s crying you gradually see Michael slowly come through a dark and empty room. The way the shadows slowly expose him is absolutely spine tingling. I absolutely recommend it. The only real problems I have with the film are the lack of any real blood (I know budgetary problems) and the fact that Michael’s teleportation is somewhat comical.

Final Verdict 10/10 William Shatner Masks.