Category Archives: Old Movie Reviews (2016)

“Cool Cat Saves the Kids” Directed by Derek Savage

Cool Cat
I have seen the eyes of the devil. This movie is proof that god exists cause there is a devil! And he goes by the name of Derek Savage with his False Prophet Cool Cat! Also the cop was in A LOT OF PORN! My jokes about Pedophilia might have been true! This movie is so poorly edited, so poorly acted, bad audio, awful music, GOD AWFUL SINGING, terrible “special effects”, and an annoying ass preaching about bullying and how awesome Cool Cat is! I was laughing and screaming every time he was on screen! He was with kids all the time and I felt he should be nowhere near kids! There was an awful twenty minute scene of him just driving and walking down a parade. Vivica Fox and Eric Estrada are in this and both have contempt filled faces that just says “I’m getting paid…RIGHT!?” This was a truly awful experience. This makes Monster a Go-Go look like goddamn Citizen Kane!
Final Verdict: -3/10 Furry Masks.

“Trainspotting” Directed by Danny Boyle

New year starts with a film about Obi-Wan’s drug phase. The film centers Ewen McGregor’s character Mark Renton and his friends whom are almost all heroin addicts. The only ones who aren’t become one and the other is goddamn psychopath. It takes place during the late 1980s in an economically depressed area of Edinburgh, Scotland and our character’s passage through life. Renton frequently tries to leave the life and get a regular life, but he keeps on failing until an overdose almost kills him. He gets a job as a realtor and almost gets out, but his friends force him to do one job and they have him do a hit on new stuff. He pulls a final hit, gets 4,000, but steals 12,000 and leaves 4,000 for one of his friends. As he walks off he vows to get a real life. It’s well acted, well shot, well made, but it gets a bit weird during Renton’s drug withdrawal hallucination. I’d recommend it cause Ewen McGregor really makes the film. He’s so genuine in his performance that you really wanna see him go clean and have a good life. I highly recommend it.
final Verdict: 8/10 Heroin Needles